briefing room, reporters have been trotting out stories about this class or that class or they had a bake sale or a car wash to raise money for their easter trip to washington and they will be they will be turned away out the white house gates. boohoo. stop the baloney. it's too bad they won't get to visit the white house. there is lots of other stuff in washington to see, the monuments and buildings. but all of the whining misses the point. first of all, that republicans wants it both ways. they want the sequester but they don't want anybody to suffer any pain. guess what. there is going to be a lot of pain for a lot of people. and there is going to be a lot of pain more important than white house stores. how about the kids who get tossed out of headstart, kids who lose food stamps and families who lose low-income housing of all of the pain the people are going to suffer because of the sequester losing the white house stores are the least painful of all.

folks, have a great weekend. we will see you right back here on monday morning. >> this is "the bill press show."

[♪ theme music ♪] >> stephanie: hello. well you know it that's day before vacation jacki, why in chris is wearing shorts and t-bone said the flirt teeny bar is over. >> are you really wearing shorts. >> yes i am wearing shorts. >> let's just pop out leis and call it a day. >> stephanie: and senator feinstein is still scraping ted

cruz off of her shoes. >> that was awesome. >> stephanie: thank you for the lecture i appreciate it. i'm going to play that all morning. >> yes, she says to him essentially i have been here longer than you have been alive. >> stephanie: we'll it is just awesome. and speaking of awesome chicks. jacki schechner in the current news. >> happy friday everybody. president obama is travelling to argon today, a department of research that specializes in advanced battery research. you may remember during his state of the union address, the president stated he is prepared to use executive action should congress fail to act on

alternative energy. he is going to ask for $2 billion over ten years. the money would come from royalties from offshore drilling. rob portman has changed his stance on same-sex marriage because his son is gay. he said his son will came out to him back in 2011 and then he realized he wanted his son to have the same opportunities as everyone else. senator portman was a potential date for romney last year. he was a sponsor of the 1996 defense of marriage act. he now says that voters in each state should have the right to approve same-sex marriage should they so choose. and mitt romney is speaking at cpac today which has plenty of allies and conservative

activists wondering why. they wonder what he could possibly say that would have any impact or be of any interest. we're back after the break. stay with us. ♪ going to do the young turks. i think the number one thing that viewers like about the young turks is that we're honest. they know that i'm not bs'ing them with some hidden agenda, actually supporting one party or the other. when the democrats are wrong, they know that i'm going to be the first one to call them out. they can question whether i'm right, but i think that the audience gets that this guy, to the best of his ability, is trying to look out for us.

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[♪ theme music ♪] >> announcer: ladies and gentlemen, it's the "stephanie miller show"! ♪ i'm walking on sunshine woe ho ♪ ♪ i'm walking on sunshine woe ho ♪ ♪ it's time to feel good hey all right now ♪ ♪ it's time to feel good ♪ >> stephanie: it is the "stephanie miller show." people on tv can see us screaming at each other before the show. >> yeah, you are screaming at

things 20 seconds before the show is over. >> stephanie: you know what, you are fired. take next week off. >> okay. >> stephanie: but then make sure you are here next monday. >> uh-huh. >> stephanie: let's just pretend you are fired to get it out of my system. you still have a job jim. >> really? he shows up late and he still has a job. >> i could push the buttons. >> stephanie: all you sneed a muscle-bound chimp for that. >> oh okay. >> stephanie: he'll wear oven mitts. >> all right. see you later, bye! >> stephanie: jim you know how to get the door-slam sound effect, don't you? >> i'm sure it is under d. what can possibly go wrong?

there has to be only 17 entries that begin with d. >> there is the david shuster jingle, ducks, dog growl, drama string -- >> stephanie: play them all! >> you are a douche bag. >> don't speak. >> don't speak. >> and thank for playing -- >> in denial. >> oh. >> dropped things. >> that was the george tikai thing. >> drink the sand. >> i want leadership. i'm thirsty for it -- [overlapping speakers] [ laughter ] >> stephanie: we'll keep hitting the delete movie. >> there's a lot of d stuff in here. >> stephanie: you are not deleting any of my rob reiner

stuff. >> oh, my! >> stephanie: wow, we have good stuff in there. i ought to spend vacation rummaging through your box. >> you should. >> stephanie: don't [ censor bleep ]! >> stephanie: why don't you ever play that. oh, my god, you are so fired again. >> dr. furrier. >> stephanie: dr. haris next. >> door knock then open. [ knocking ] >> stephanie: this is like old timemy theater gone amuck. >> then the drunk. >> stephanie: why do we have that in there? >> stephanie: i have some musty things in there. i have musty old things in my box. >> it's full of cobwebs and spiders. >> no wonder you can't get a girl. [ buzzer ] >> oh, yeah it's a the day before vacation >> stephanie: i would stay

tuned, because you never know what is going to happen before vacation. >> we're going to have a brand new congressman on next. >> stephanie: yes. representative mark pocan. >> stephanie: you don't know if you are saying that right. >> i asked t-bone before the show. >> stephanie: we have john fugelsang in hour three. and next week hal sparks in live for us all week jacki schechner live in studio for him. and then coming up in april -- this is where i point to you, and you take too long to get it to. ♪ i love the sexy liberals ♪ ♪ i'm going to get all my sexy liberal ♪ ♪ stephanie miller takes up a flight to the windy city with

see singing with babies of three ♪ ♪ and the wine that she keeps in a box by the door ♪ ♪ that's what it's for ♪ ♪ on to sexy liberal, where do they all come from ♪ ♪ all the sexy liberals chicago's where they'll come ♪ >> yay! >> and i did all of the string arrangements myself. >> stephanie: i'm flying tomorrow. and the tsa said yep we're letting the knives on! [ bell chimes ] [ applause ] >> stephanie: yeah and a novelty bat. >> stephanie: i can tell your right now i'm going to get hit by a drunk with a novelty bat. >> that's whiz clunk just so you

know. >> snoo you'll -- >> stephanie: you'll need to know that -- >> i'll probably just hit whiz. [ water rushing ] >> that's whiz. >> stephanie: would you like an all-time radio fun fact about momma. one of my partners we were recording a radio bit, and we needed that sound affect and we didn't have it so he created it himself in another studio in a jar. >> uh-huh. >> took the tape recorder in too. >> stephanie: yeah. >> all right. >> stephanie: all right. >> that's what us old timers call bullying. >> stephanie: some old timemy radio fun facts about momma. speaking of which -- we have a brand new picture up on the stephanie miller show facebook. guess who was right there yesterday? steven stills.

momma's new best friend. he has a new album. he was doing phoners, and i got in the studio right over there. and he is bringing me his new box set soon which is coming out. and there's a picture of me and him and hot brie out -- >> there is. >> stephanie: melissa fitzgerald we were out having a -- >> a drink, or 12 -- >> stephanie: or 15. or a bunch. >> it looked like a pretty swanky restaurant -- >> stephanie: well, it was near his house, so yes, i was. >> okay. >> stephanie: and i'm flying tomorrow just in time for the tsa to say -- what could go wrong -- they say they plan to allow small knives on the plain. >> can't someone overrule mr. tsa. >> i pity the fool! >> stephanie: i don't think they should allow pistollies either.

the head of the tsa said he stands by his plan to allow passengers to carry small knives despite a growing backlash. shocking flight attendants are like, excuse me? excuse me now? it's unlikely he said in these days of hardened cockpit doors that these small knives could be used by terrorists to take over a plane -- >> but they could stab other passengers. >> stephanie: yes. >> and searching for knifes is time-consuming. they confiscate 2,000 such knives a day. how come everyone is carrying a knife? >> that is their yob isn't it? >> stephanie: what aim thinking of jim the >> [ inaudible ]? >> stephanie: no. where the guy has 17 different

kinds of knives. >> swenny todd? [ buzzer ] noo >> stephanie: no. >> but isn't that their job? >> no their job is to iradiate you while looking at your junk. >> stephanie: he said it is not their job to prevent disturbanced by in -- >> all right. high-speed rail can't come soon enough. >> stephanie: there are already items that can be used to harm someone. [ buzzer ]

>> this guy is as competent as michael brown. >> stephanie: he said there's already items on board that can be used to harm people -- >> so why not let everyone know. >> stephanie: whether it's in first class with a metal knife and fork -- oh thanks for the tip. >> can i borrow your knife >> stephanie: or whether it's a wine glass or wine bottle that they break and use. [ buzzer ] >> stephanie: stop -- >> but the wine bottles are like this big -- oh that's whiskey bottles. >> stephanie: no they use real wine bottles. >> stephanie: yeah. >> they are protected by that curtain. do not go through that curtain. >> it's an iron curtain. >> stephanie: now i got to worry about a bar fight on my flight

tomorrow. >> i think they need to -- hardened doors behind first class and let everyone else drown in steerage. >> stephanie: get out of my wood plank. splish. do we have a splish. >> stephanie: i think we do. it's under splash jim. [ water splashing ] >> stephanie: besides knives passengers can include novelty-sized baseball bats less than 24 inches. >> there's something there. >> stephanie: toy plastic bats billiard cues ski poles -- >> those don't fit in that little sizing box.

how are those allowed on board? >> stephanie: i don't know. the policy is apparently allowed at allowing passengers to carry penknives, corkscrews -- oh, now you are talking my language. [ bell chimes ] [ applause ] >> a drone. >> stephanie: that's right. >> you can just fly it up to first class -- >> stephanie: sure and get something sharp. i'm sending my drone to first class to break off a wine glass. >> yet i'm not allowed to bring shampoo. >> stephanie: no. nicely done. fly safe everyone. [ applause ] >> you are allowed a pen knife but not shampoo. >> stephanie: right. drive by hair dressings. >> one by fruitings.

>> that comes with the hair dressing. >> stephanie: dyneianne feinstein is still scraping ted cruz off of the bottom of her shoe. we'll have that for you next. >> announcer: it's the "stephanie miller show." ♪

this show is about being up to

date, staying in touch with everything that is going on politically and putting my own nuance on it. in reality it's not like they actually care. this is purely about political grandstanding. ♪ >> announcer: ♪ going to make me lose my mind y'all going to make me go out all, up in here up in here ♪

♪ y'all going to make me act a fool up in here up in here ♪ >> not in there. >> no, up in here. >> stephanie: thank you. oh dear. white people show good morning. twenty-three minutes after the hour. 1-800-steph-1-2. this is nothing but awesomeness. senator feinstein, i solute you. >> it was full of awesome sauce. >> stephanie: right. all of that and i can't even count the bags of chips. >> steph that was from 1994. >> stephanie: i know it. up in here. ted cruz what a -- what a douche nozzle. >> there are not 205 communists in the state department or the harvard law school. >> stephanie: right. republican ted cruz the teeny tiny, little junior senator from texas.

it really was unbelievable. dianne feinstein regardless of your politics -- i mean give me a break. this woman has been in the senate how long? and as she was pointing out she has literally put her finger in a bullet hole. >> yes. >> i remember that. i remember hearing about it on the radio -- >> were you in san francisco? >> no, but i could listen to kcbs from l.a. >> okay. >> stephanie: a lot of old timemy radio stories. i used to be on the big 50,000 watt power blaster back there. >> i remember when mr. marconey gave me a ride in his model t. >> when i lived in phoenix that's how i used to listen to you. >> you could hear koa denver

from almost anywhere. >> stephanie: we had callers from iowa. >> really? that must be some skip. back to dianne feinstein. >> stephanie: right, what was i saying? [ laughter ] >> stephanie: i'm not sure if it's drinking or early on set, but whatever. i frequently don't know where i am. >> early onset admiral stockdale is what you have got. >> stephanie: i sometimes pause and i don't recognize you two. oh! okay. okay. anyway, yeah, he just -- so he was just being a douche, basically. >> he was. >> stephanie: she was talking about -- they are obviously debating reinstating the assault ban weapons. >> i'm not a sixth grader. i walked in. i saw people shot. i have looked at bodies that

have been shot with these weapons. i have seen the bullets that implode implode. sandy hook youngsters were dismembered. it's fine you want to lecture me on the constitution. just know i have been here for a long time. i have passed on a number of bills. i studied the constitution myself. i am reasonably well educated and i thank you for the lecture. >> stephanie: rock and role! [ cheers and applause ] >> nobody lights lighters anymore. they light their cell phones. >> stephanie: oh, right. i haven't been to a concert since -- >> they ain't related but they do be brothers. >> nobody smokes anymore. >> they use the smokeless cigarettes nowadays. >> stephanie: yeah, he did the -- >> you get easily side tracked -- >> stephanie: i love you. >> wa wa wa.

>> it turns into charlie brown's teacher. >> stephanie: yeah, and we went crazy in buffalo. [ cheers and applause ] >> you get so easily sidetracked. >> stephanie: what were we talking about? oh, dianne feinstein. >> incidentally this was not prohibit -- you use the word prohibit. it excerpts 2,271 weapons. isn't that enough for the people in the united states? do you need a bah zoo ka? do they need other high powered weapons that military people used to kill in close combat? i don't think so. [ cheers and applause ] >> stephanie: i love her. >> you are a chick, you understand army stuff. >> wait until you hear what ann coulter saying about her.

they say she was whining and crying yesterday. >> stephanie: oh sure. and how classy is this after the vote feinstein said to him, senator i want to apologize to you. you sort of got my dander up. really? i would have kicked him in the nads. >> i don't think senator cruz has nads. >> stephanie: yeah he is like the army guys he plays with with no gentles. >> he's a smoothie. >> stephanie: right. >> gi neuter. >> stephanie: right, exactly. all right. things are only going to get weirder. >> and an culter's hair looked awful last night on hannity. >> hannity was wearing her hair? >> stephanie: we'll do right-wing world next on the "stephanie miller show." ♪

compelling true stories. >> jack, how old are you? >> nine. >> this is what 27 tons of marijuana looks like. (vo) with award winning documentaries that take you inside the headlines, way inside. (vo) from the underworld, to the world of privilege. >> everyone in michael jackson's life was out to use him. (vo) no one brings you more documentaries that are real, gripping, current.

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stop looking at car interiors. get inspired by other stuff. yep. yep. ok. sure. why not? woah. touchscreens. put that in your dash. now, luxury stuff. make your seats like that. that thing has wifi, why doesn't your car? you can't do that. ignore that guy. give it wifi. yes! make it fit 5 people. no, 5 actual sized people. give them leg room, good. destroy boring car interiors forever. and that's how you do it. easy. ♪ ♪ a closer shave in a single stroke for less irritation, even on sensitive skin. ♪ ♪ gillette mach3 sensitive. gillette. the best a man can get.

♪ >> announcer: stephanie miller. >> the only way to make things happen in the real world is by taking akctions. >> i have taken action it drives your [ inaudible ] but the sex is amazing. >> what? >> stephanie: what is this? >> craigslist men for men ads. people want some sex on the dl as the kids say around cpac.

>> stephanie: yikes -- democratic -- what do they call it? >> hate sex? [ buzzer ] >> presumably they all love their wives! >> stephanie: presumably they like their hair pulled. oh, let's not get into that again. did i make left-wing hate speech last night on hannity? >> you did not. i think he is on to you. [ wah wah ] >> stephanie: that tick tack brain inside of that giant noggin, yeah, he is easily tricked. >> stephanie: everybody enjoy your hate sex -- [ applause ] >> i don't know if you can actually read these -- >> stephanie: no but people can see my thought bubble.

oh, it's dirty. [ giggling ] >> stephanie: let's dive into the right-wing world. ann coulter she needs a good talking to by taylor swift. >> dianne feinstein like her other i am woman hear me roar democratic female hillary clinton as soon as they get a question they don't like they start crying. i used to think women just shouldn't be able to vote now i think liberal women should not be able to hold office. that is not an answer. i'm offender. >> stephanie: she makes me want to scream like a goat. in the wores of the immortal taylor swift ♪ no opalgy, he's the reason why you're drowning you're

drowning you're drowning ♪ >> oh, come on -- >> stephanie: all right. ♪ it's all i'll ever be ♪ >> stephanie: all right. okay. all right. whatever. >> whatever! >> stephanie: yeah. ann coulter is just -- wow. >> uh-huh. yeah she's -- [ sighs ] >> liberal women should haven't office. >> stephanie: right. did i say she's not supportive of her fellow women. >> well, that's a loaded question. >> stephanie: let's not take that joke. all right -- oh my god -- >> i am more of a man than any liberal is -- >> she admitted it. >> stephanie: thank you. all right. bill o'reilly. >> there have been no real cuts. democrats are just slowing down the rate of spending.

but the sad fact is barack obama not going to change his opinion. he believes a massive federal debt will not harm the country, period. >> stephanie: the deficit is going down, down down. >> george bush ruined the economy. obama is trying to save it. >> stephanie: yes, lowest level of spending since eisenhower. rush limbaugh >> so what the left tries to do -- you'll hear this fill this pulpit praise for his behavior towards the poor and people in the thir world, and it's going to be an attempt to soften him up, because eventually what they want him to do is renounce christ. that is the objective of the progressives who oppose the catholic church. >> stephanie: oh! oh! it's progressives that -- you mean alter boy rape? what do we oppose? >> no progressives want the pope

to renounce christ. >> stephanie: oh yes, that's on the top of my list. >> huh? >> he is just making stuff up. >> stephanie: and that's why pat boon would come in on fox business channel. >> he is following his play book which is [ inaudible ] rule for radicals. >> come on. >> this is the guy that trained him to be a marksist, a socialist, a progressive -- >> those are not the same things! >> -- but there has to be some kind of reasoning for what he does. he has a plan which he thinks is good for america, virtually socialist america, the government is in charge of everything. i was on his enemy's list on the first year of his presidency. >> what?

nixson has the enemies list. >> stephanie: my number one priority. get pat boone. >> osama boone ladin. >> stephanie: what i meant to say is pat boone is going down. >> why is he on fox business channel. why is there a fox business channel? >> stephanie: right. >> how was he talking about the economy or dow. >> stephanie: dr. keith a-blow. abblow. >> abblow. >> stephanie: i always get that wrong like roger hedgehog -- >> cox! >> stephanie: excuse me? >> roger hedge cox.

>> this is like the husband who beat you coming back, saying i have changed! i have changed, honey. look, know you haven't, because you haven't been in therapy with dr. keith abblow the president believes everything he believes in based on being abandoned by everybody -- >> where are you getting this crap? oh, right out of your ass, of course. >> stephanie: psycho babel -- >> was that also on the fox business channel. >> stephanie: has roger hedgehog ever been on -- >> cox! >> stephanie: excuse me in >> roger hedgehog. >> stephanie: all right. dick -- >> what? >> stephanie: -- morris. >> he was accosted by a reporter at cpac.

>> any new thought on what brought that about? >> i love fox and you come and you go in this business. i'll come again. >> do you think you'll return to fox again? >> yes. >> when do you think that would be? >> oh i don't know. >> stephanie: i'm sorry dick said he'll come again? really? he needs to be on dr. ablow's couch for that. >> he was winded. >> i -- i -- i -- >> stephanie: anything wrong with you being wrong about everything in this history of everything! winded by a run-on sentence. [ applause ] >> stephanie: and then he fell on a sack of hammers. >> i -- i -- [ gasping ] >> you soundlike slep car from

wonder bug. >> stephanie: i can't get enough of his impression. >> i know. [ applause ] >> stephanie: that was a weird right-wing world. let's go to eric in albuquerque. >> caller: i love you guys. >> stephanie: thank you. >> caller: i have a question. what do you tell somebody that has saved their life with a handgun? do you tell him that his life is worthless than someone else's life. >> stephanie: yes, exactly. no, eric you would tell them you are very lucky, because most people actually injury themselves or someone else that they love with a gun. >> caller: i have another question -- >> stephanie: i'm not saying it doesn't happen -- >> caller: -- more lives than they take? >> stephanie: pardon me -- >> caller: guns save more lives than they take? >> stephanie: no, i do not. i think they take many more lives -- >> caller: you think so.

>> stephanie: no, this is statistics -- >> caller: well [ inaudible ] anywhere from 600,000 to 2.5 million are saved by handguns. >> stephanie: where are you getting that from -- >> caller: that was [ inaudible ] from years ago. i'm just wondering -- and i am that somebody -- >> stephanie: okay. >> caller: -- i was able to save two lives that would not be here today -- >> but they don't keep those kinds of statistics eric? and you have a sucky phone which is driving me crazy. >> yeah, you spent too much money on guns. >> stephanie: you bought the sneaker phone because you spent a billion dollars on bush masters. >> and ammunition. >> stephanie: oh i'm enjoying myself too much today. >> he saved people's lives because he had a gun, good for

him. >> stephanie: yeah, exactly. >> but -- >> stephanie: all right. and thank you for your freshly made ass facts. forty-five minutes after the hour. right back on the "stephanie miller show." >> god what did you have for breakfast this morning? carnation instant bitch? >> announcer: it's the "stephanie miller show." ♪ billy zane stars in barabbas. coming in march to reelz. to find reelz in your area, go to reelz.com

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he opened his mind and let the music flow but in his attempt to break on through, he found the end. of all the hours in all his days, these are the ones you'll never forget. ♪ >> announcer: stephanie miller. ♪ is everybody going crazy ♪ ♪ is everybody going crazy ♪ ♪ tell me what is going on ♪

♪ if you open your eyes -- >> i don't think any of us do. >> stephanie: this hour brought to you by sherwin williams. make the most of your color with the very best paint. ask sherwin williams. wow! >> that last caller was using his cell phone for target practice. >> stephanie: yeah. [ gunfire ] >> pull! i just killed siri! >> stephanie: this thing sounds like crap! i can't talk to that liberal station anymore! [ gunfire ] >> i killed siri! i done it! >> stephanie: please, this is a quick tip from the "stephanie miller show," do not use your cell phone for target practice before calling a radio talk show. >> what --

what -- i -- save -- million -- i -- i -- >> stephanie: at attention gun nuts, here are some talk radio tips. wow, it's exciting cpac is going on. >> it is. [♪ "world news tonight" theme ♪] >> stephanie: what it is called ? >> i don't know. a bunch of right-wing crazies convening in dc. >> stephanie: and they are not allowing the gays. >> no, rob portman now allowed anymore. >> stephanie: no, rob portman came out and announced his acceptance of marriage equality because his son is gay. ♪ let's hear it for the boys ♪ >> stephanie: that's why he didn't come romney's running mate. >> yes. >> stephanie: a lot of us cannot read on my little family radio

show, i want to [ censor bleep ] a lot of guys looking for guys at cpac. >> there is a lot of guys looking for some strange. >> stephanie: woe! this is kind of -- this one is kind of festive. [♪ fun-facts music ♪] >> stephanie: hey, guys he means in a gay way. >> hey. >> stephanie: hey girl! [ laughter ] >> stephanie: i was wondering if there were any gay, bi -- or curious guys going to cpac. >> computer says yes. >> stephanie: i'm not looking for anything crazy. just a little [ censor bleep ]

>> stephanie: just a new friend -- >> oh, that's totes adorbs. >> stephanie: we could maybe escape the crowd and head up anything can happen smiley face. and he does the kind with the nose. >> i always do the nose. >> stephanie: i don't, but we went the extra mile and did the nose. smiley face. i just learned how people do that little while ago -- >> and now you overuse it -- >> you have an overused colon. >> you have emogi, and you can

do animals, flags -- >> stephanie: oh, no! all of my friends that are listening right now just went oh thank god. [ wah wah ] >> look what i can do. >> now if we can just get you to use capitalization and punctuation -- >> stephanie: i don't have time for that. i'm ddf -- >> drug and disease free. >> stephanie: oh. most of my friends that will be there won't know i am gay, so it would be cool if you are discreet as well. >> if you are also a self loathing gay. >> yeah. >> stephanie: it would be helpful if you were also cloaked in shame. i don't mind people knowing,

just want to control the time and place they find out, get my drift? >> i think his time line is never. that's what that sounds like. >> stephanie: if we meet up and it turns out we don't really hit it off, no worries. no pressure for anything sexual. just mostly looking for a cpac buddy. however if you do want to [ censor bleep ] that would be a bonus. >> that's adorbsadorbs. >> stephanie: hit me up. and since most of the guys reading this are liberals, i would be happy to explain why the agenda is more -- >> really! >> what do they call putting the liberals in concentration camps with pink triangles on them. >> that would kind of kill the mood if you started getting a

lecture. >> stephanie: buzz kill. oh here is one more. [♪ fun-facts music ♪] >> stephanie: these are happy and sunny and 50s like. clean cut prep type in town for cpac. [ bell chimes ] >> stephanie: looking to mess around with hot tops while i'm here. not like the four tops -- i want that shirt, give me that shirt. >> not that kind of top -- >> stephanie: give me that shirt. >> not that kind of top. >> stephanie: we're in detroit for two days you brought how many? [ laughter ] [♪ fun-facts music ♪] >> stephanie: can sneak away for fun any time in my hotel room. white disstreet guy -- >> discrete. >> stephanie: discrete guy here. look for tall inshape guys with big [ censor bleep ].

21 to 30. two tops are cool too. >> stephanie: if you brought a lot of shirts like me. >> not that kind of tops. >> stephanie: oh, really? the singers? >> no. >> stephanie: oh, he only wants two tops not four. i don't know if he could handle four. >> stephanie: oh okay. betty in tennessee. >> caller: hi, how are you. i was calling about the ted cruz and feinstein thing yesterday. >> stephanie: yeah. >> caller: i was watching and, you know, he was so cold and everything towards her, i think he owes her and also those people in sanity hook an apology. he is just so over -- you know like pushy and like he doesn't care -- like they were shooting

duck not children that morning. >> stephanie: i know. >> caller: i have never seen a senator act in such a way. >> stephanie: i agree, betty. >> you only get three shots if you want to go duck hunting. >> someone tweeted that they don't think the gaylord hotel can provide enough closet space for cpac. >> stephanie: that is a good one. [♪ circus music ♪] >> stephanie: it's smells of self loathing in here. >> my room is just a closet. >> oh my! how did i wind up here. >> stephanie: oh, clutch the pearl necklace. >> oh really. >> stephanie: fifty-eight minutes after the hour. right back on the "stephanie miller show." ♪

[♪ theme music ♪] >> stephanie: hello, current tv land. hour number 2. >> i now have a bone to pick with chris. >> stephanie: huh oh. >> you are not to turn him on to more smileys. >> i'm sorry. i know. i know. >> she oversmiles as it is. >> stephanie: i'm going to text you with emotocons right now. i can get colorful ones from my

iphone. >> you are not helping chris. she is going on vacation and get drunk and send me pages and pages of smileys. >> you and hal are smiley face. chirping frog. yes, jacki schechner will be right here live in studio with hal sparks. that's vacation for you. >> i get to hump him in person on wednesday. >> stephanie: hello, now. >> not really. >> stephanie: here she is jacki schechner. >> good morning, everybody, the white house has just launched a new feature called being biden. if it's a photo online and vice president biden tells the story behind the image. the first one shows the vice president serving rolls in delaware earlier this month. >> and they go out and they hunt for wild game that they then cook up and serve at the fire hall that you see in the

background. all of the money goes to charity, and then there's an auction. >> he goes on to say that that auction offers up guns and bows with the money going to help money in need. he emphasizes the right to own firearms, but also for self protection and hunting. the nation has been crying out for responsible action and he called on congress to seriously debate gun-control legislation to make all of us safer. a federal grand jury in miami is investigating senator bob menendez and his ties to a wealthy donor and friend. they are interested in how the center may have intervened on his behalf to encourage the dominican government to honor a contract with the port security.

and why he intervened on his behalf as they were looking into allegations of medicare fraud. we're back with more show after the break. stay with us. ♪ all the time now. >> she gets the comedians laughing... >> that's hilarious! >> ...and the thinkers thinking. >> okay, so there's wiggle-room in the ten commandments is what you're telling me. >> you would rather deal with ahmadinejad then me. >> absolutely! >> and so would mitt romeny. >> she's joy behar. >> and the best part is that current will let me say anything. what the hell were they thinking? >> only on current tv. build a ground-breaking car. good. now build a time machine. go here, find someone who can build a futuristic dash board display. bring future guy back. watch him build a tft display like nothing you've ever seen. get him to explain exactly what that is. the thin film transistor display... [ male announcer ] mmm, maybe not. just show it. customize the dash

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[♪ theme music ♪] >> announcer: ladies and gentlemen, it's the "stephanie miller show"! ♪ i'm walking on sunshine woe ho ♪ ♪ i'm walking on sunshine woe ho ♪ ♪ it's time to feel good ♪ ♪ hey all right ♪ ♪ it's time to feel good ♪ >> are you torturing everyone you know. >> stephanie: jacki is going to kill you. i just sent her like 25

emotocons in a text. >> oh, boy. and you saw how many the iphone provides. >> stephanie: oh, my god. i'm going to do it my whole vacation now. >> oh, god. >> stephanie: 1-800-steph-1-2 the phone number toll free from anywhere. stephanie miller the website sexy liberal tickets going very quickly. sexy liberal hal sparks filling in for us next week. i don't even want to do my show now. want to go back to texting people with my emotocons. i was like chris, you broke my -- oh it was just that thing. >> yeah. >> stephanie: we were talking about cpac and reading

craigslist ads. they won't allow the gays but they sure are busy looking for them. >> stephanie: my new favorite writer writes the annual conservative gathering is always bad, but this year's choices of main speakers seem designed to alienate as many americans as possible. the trajectory is down on a scale so tedious i have difficulty comprehending it. can these people really believe they are accomplishing something? they are showing america they are mad at hatters. it is amazing. right it's sarah palin, trump, nobody with any chance of getting elected. he says they aren't the most articulate policy thinkers. they are the most adept red meat

throwers. cruz is new to the game but what with his recent prove you stop beating your wife attacks he has risen up the ranks pretty quickly. suppose you are organizing this conference your party just got thumped, and there's inevitable talk of rebranding, what do you do? you throw out the gays and deny the invisitation to one republican on the scene who has an ounce of appeal, and then you choose to highlight two aging averaging blow hards? i love this. so he finishes he says conservatives today isn't a political movement it's a therapy style. this conservatism serves primarily as a negative reinforcer a convening place

for those who feel the same social rage wanting to get together for drinks and shouting and another thing. it's tea party harmmy. we're trying to help we really are. >> i created tea party harmony. we're the only site that has the patented 19 dimensions of douche bagry. >> when i met sam for our first date at the firing range, it was just boom. >> i'm afraid of brown people. >> don't tread on me. >> i found out he kind ofs like it. >> found that one person who is going to love you passionately for that gun-toting nut you

really are. review your compatible wing nuts for free right now at tea party harmony. >> stephanie: okay. marco marco rubio. >> we don't need a new idea. the idea is called america. >> that solve it! yes, america! >> stephanie: sure, yes. what is two plus seven, america. what time it? america! >> stephanie: how are we going create jobs? america! >> i don't think he really understands what america is. >> stephanie: that's the idea? that's it? how are you going to balance the -- america! >> ermahgerd. >> stephanie: they need to change their slogan to herb derp. >> just because we believe that

life, all life all human life is worthy of protection at every stage of its development just not make you a chauvinist. >> stephanie: some of those people applauding ron grinder on his cell phone. oh, yeah! oh, i'm sorry, what were you saying? america. right. >> stephanie: senator rand paul. >> the gop of old has grown stale and moss covered. the new gop will need to embrace liberty in both the economic and personal sphere. >> stephanie: america! [ ♪ patriotic music ♪ ] >> stephanie: liberty. >> stop signs. >> stephanie: regulation of any kind that would restrict eye doctors in any way. >> taking machine guns on airplanes. >> stephanie: yeah, in america where you are free to do eye

surgery on someone with a rusty railroad spike. >> one of those grapefruit spoons with the serrated edge. >> stephanie: oh, i got to get this out of there. >> does this look infected to you? >> i can't tell, i'm blind! >> stephanie: should you really put poison oak on there? >> there are no regulations against it. >> stephanie: it's a libertarian pairradise paradise. welcome. >> caller: wow what a show you are putting on today. i think it's combined hysteria. okay. i have to call him a moron that called you before would like to have background checks on gun ownerships so he didn't have somebody threatening him and two

other people with a gun. >> stephanie: yeah exactly. >> caller: here is what i'm saying, the gop -- this right-wing paranoia that they have, they have a total lack of military experience other than hagel and mccain, you look at cheney fife all of those guys got out of doing anything. so i decided to counter with my own liberal paranoia. i need an aircraft carrier parked on the mississippi river where a fleet of b-52s can take off -- >> i don't think they can take off of a -- >> stephanie: it was all plausible right up to that. >> caller: well i was trying. i need f-14s -- >> stephanie: yeah, but not in the rain. >> caller: make sure i'm covered

24/7 with a blanket of security so nothing bad happens to me. it's ridiculous. they don't allow proof. they are the ones who stopped the cdc from compiling the statistics on this. they are far-wing nut bagdads out there -- i have got a brother-in-law like this -- >> stephanie: don't we all? >> >> caller: i don't even visit the family on that side anymore because of it. >> stephanie: well you are the smartest boy in class today. [ bell chimes ] >> well thank you. >> what time it? >> america! >> stephanie: katherine in california. >> caller: good morning. >> stephanie: good morning, and america. >> what is for breakfast? >> america. >> caller: it is becoming increasingly apparent that we

have a number of republicans in the united states senate that managed to skip the fifth grade all together. between marco rubio saying because he supports traditional marriage doesn't make him a big got. yes, that's exactly what it makes you. bigotry is the square root of ignorance. and i'm asking to teach them some vocabulary and ted cruz -- harvard is calling and they want their degree back. >> stephanie: exactly. >> caller: we have someone who lives in the white house who has a constitutional law degree and he might explain to him the restrictions on the bill of rights that we all know. it's just -- i feel like i'm in the twilight zone. >> stephanie: yeah don't lecture dianne feinstein first of all and she was talking about the heller decision -- like she's some idiot that doesn't understand

the issues he is talk about -- >> she has dealt with these issue issues issues for a long time. >> stephanie: yes. senator [ inaudible ]. >> criminals will have access to a whole range of weapons that they will have access to because they don't care about the laws that are passed. and we're going to give the american citizen a pea shooter to defend themselves with. >> come on! the revolver is not a pea shooter. ass! >> we need rpgs in every household! >> why have speed limits because people are going to drive fast. >> stephanie: exactly. she said i'm not a lawyer but after 20 years i have been up close and personal with the constitution, this doesn't mean that weapons of war and the heller issue clearly points out two exceptions -- so i

mean -- ted cruz. seventeen minutes after the hour. right back on the "stephanie miller show." >> the following program is close captioned for the thinking impaired. >> announcer: it's the "stephanie miller show" ♪ while your carpets may appear clean. it's scary how much dirt your vacuum can leave behind.

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>> "viewpoint" digs deep into the issues of the day. >> has the time finally come for real immigration reform?

>> with a distinctly satirical point of view. if you believe in state's rights but still believe in the drug war you must be high. >> only on current tv. ♪ >> announcer: ♪ people here you talking like that ♪ ♪ because i about it no holla back girl ♪ >> stephanie: this hour brought to you by therabreath mouthwash

and toothpaste. available at target wal-mart walgreens and other fine stores. >> you know what else knocks out bad breath? america. >> stephanie: that's the cpac theme. >> that's their solution to everything. [♪ magic wand ♪] >> stephanie: okay. 1-800-steph-1-2 the phone number toll free from anywhere. mike in salt lake city, hi, mike. >> caller: how are you today? >> stephanie: good, sir, go ahead. >> caller: i'm latino and i see ted cruz, you know up there just -- you know it makes us look bad because this man is mccarthyism, he lies he cheats innuendo innuendos, and he was trying to do that to feinstein, and he was doing it to hagel and he was trying to discredit him by saying oh, you have a special

interest. is he getting money from the nra? now should he defame and lie and make people try to look bad -- i cannot even look to this man and talk to my children and grandchildren and say this is an honorable man. when you defame people and spread lies about them -- how many of us have had that happen to us? you have to have integrity to run a country. those guns are going to come back and bite them. >> stephanie: yep. >> caller: and this man that is doing the things he is doing to try to hurt individuals -- even the christian people, the bible says you cannot back bite and bare false witness.

the christian young generation don't even want to get involved in christianity these days because there's no integrity there. >> stephanie: absolutely. the only thing that can cleanse it is dianne feinstein's ass whooping. >> i have looked at bodies that have been shot with these weapons. i have seen the bullets that implode. in sandy hook youngsters were dismembered. it's fine you want to lecture me on the constitution. just know i have been here for a long time. i passed on a number of bills. i am reasonably well educated and i thank you for the lecture. >> stephanie: bam! >> yeah, but . . . america. >> america. >> stephanie: america! could i have my breezy music

back? >> sure. [♪ fun-facts music ♪] >> stephanie: more craigslist gay ads. there is not enough closet space at the gaylord hotel. in town for cpac let's [ censor bleep ]. [ laughter ] >> stephanie: okay. let's get this out of the way. i don't like you and you don't like me. >> well, then. okay. >> stephanie: we both had reservations about obama last election, but mine more because i thought he was too moderate. and you, you probably think paul ryan is something other than a charlotteton. i think you are bat [ censor bleep ] crazy. but may i suggest to you a sort of bipartisan coming together.

>> oh. >> stephanie: oh, i'm sorry, this isn't an attempt to strike a grand bargain. i have just heard that sex with someone you actively dislike can be a lot of fun. i'll even offer an olive branch and buy you a drink first. we can have an argument before we get down to business. [ applause ] >> stephanie: that's my pickup line, in town for cpac let's [ censor bleep ]. >> and i love how he says i'm on the green line. >> stephanie: bill in albany is loving our downward spiral to vacation. >> caller: i was just going to say the same thing, how much i enjoy this week before vacation and the downward spiral that it becomes. it's the best. >> stephanie: bill, really historically the hour right before vacation, really it's

like a scrabble board exploded. yeah. >> caller: it degenerates into fart jokes and mensa meetings and all of the other crazy stuff i love listening to. >> stephanie: we may just send the last hour rummaging through my box willie nilly. and there's stuff in there that we didn't even know we had. [ tires squealing ] ♪ if you are going to san francisco -- >> stephanie: you are going to spend the whole vacation cleaning out my box. >> we have to understand barbarians need educated. they need to be disciplined -- >> stephanie: i want that in my box. i need that in my box. >> uh-huh. >> stephanie: tiffany's. stiffnys. >> why did you have me put that in there? >> stiffny -- tiffany's. >> stephanie: breakfast at

stiffnys. >> that's anywhere mitt romney is, is stiffnys. >> stephanie: there you go. loretta in st. petersburg. >> stephanie: good morning. america! >> caller: i want to ad kristin gillibrand to the dianne feinstein hearings. she did a masterful job of take apart the general who had the [ inaudible ] has the responsibility of keeping the -- [overlapping speakers] >> caller: and she just took him apart and said not only shouldn't be you, you are not doing a very good job. >> stephanie: good for her. i got to meet her. she is awesome. >> that's right. >> stephanie: twenty-nine minutes after the hour. right back on the "stephanie miller show." ♪

i think the number one thing that viewers like about the young turks is that we're honest. they know that i'm not bs'ing them with some hidden agenda, actually supporting one party or the other. when the democrats are wrong, they know that i'm going to be the first one to call them out. they can question whether i'm right, but i think that the audience gets that this guy, to the best of his ability, is trying to look out for us.

♪ >> announcer: stephanie miller. >> i can't believe i'm actually meeting you. you know, the news is so much better with you on it. >> stephanie: thank you. ♪ our house in the middle of the street in america ♪ >> stephanie: mark pocan took tammy baldwin's seat. good morning, representative. >> good morning, stephanie. >> stephanie: thanks so much for taking time with us. >> absolutely. >> stephanie: you have said about paul ryan his budget does

not reflect wisconsin values. ain't that the truth? probably why his hometown voted against him so overwhelmingly. >> yeah, we share a county and when we go home he must take a very different route through that country than i do. a very different reality. >> stephanie: the biggest throat our long-term economic security at this time is not the deficit. it's a the economy. the lack of jobs. the future are the united states cannot complete with his global peers. and this is what paul krugman and others have been talking about. >> absolutely. we all know in the real world that what is important is getting the economy going again and creating jobs. and the ryan budget is the same recycled ideas from last year

except now it is intensified because now they are trying to do it in ten years. and 2 million jobs could be lost just next year alone due to their budget. this is going the complete wrong direction. we should be investing, getting people back to work and making people taxpayers and that's how you really solve the economy. >> stephanie: isn't it interesting. that's exactly what the president just said the other day. he basically said i'm not going to play on paul ryan's home field -- he said no. my number one job is to create jobs, and that is the number one thing that brings the deficit down, right? >> yeah and you will see the democratic versions of the budget released in the house next week. we put a lot of money into making sure we create jobs. half of the deficit from this

year and three-quarters of the deficit next year is due to economic weakness. under employment, unemployment we'll being told that by the official agencies, and yet we're off on this search to destroy medicare and medicaid and the whole budget that paul ryan has out there is based on falses a sump -- assumptions. so it's based on imaginary math like we are going to grab the pots of gold at the end of rainbows, and that will create revenue. that makes as much sense. noo >> stephanie: yes, i love this. republicans falsely claim democratic budget increases taxes by $1.5 trillion. as you know the republicans have spent years pressuring democrats

to write a budget so they can criticize it and attack it -- so they are assuming the sequestration stays in place which everybody thinks is dumb. so if we're just going to have these fault math arguments i don't know how we're going to get anything done, do you? >> and the false math goes even further, stephanie. their budget wants to reduce the rates on the top wage earners, but they don't tell you how they are going to do it. but in the end it give people who make over a million dollars a decrease in taxes every year. so $200,000 more in tax breaks for the richest -- >> that sounds fair. >> it makes no sense. and then when you ask how they are going to do it? they still protect the tax exemptions for companies who send jobs overseas oil companies, corporate jets -- it's almost too hard to debate something that is this silly. >> stephanie: i know you new

there, but do you see any way out of this, that we we -- literally are so far apart at this point. >> what is going to happen is we are going to have to sit down and discuss the budget. the real problem i can tell you from my vast ten weeks of experience and they separated democrats and republicans for almost two weeks except for one dinner and one reception. so i think the washington way is so different than the way in wisconsin or anywhere else. and we have to break ours of it. when you get a budget, and a day later we mark the whole thing up without any thought. you are not advancing a serious plan that we can have a discussion about. we have to sit down and do some work and have a discussion here. >> stephanie: representative mark pocan thank you so much.

i met both awesome legislators from wisconsin. >> yeah, tammy is awesome. >> stephanie: you are all about the awesomeness in wisconsin. thanks so much for taking time for us. and good luck. >> just eat more cheese. >> yeah, we got that covered on this show. >> thanks a lot. >> stephanie: thanks congressman. >> it is st. patrick's day on sunday so we will be [ inaudible ] leprecons, get them drunk enough and they won't miss it. >> stephanie: leprecons and fart jokes. [ farting sounds ] [♪ "world news tonight" theme ♪] >> stephanie: patty murray from the great state of washington wrote a budget. this is the problem -- so -- that's what i mean -- the congressman just saying -- they are assuming false things in their budgets that just make -- what is the point of making a budget based onning is that is not going to happen, first of all.

republicans are faultily claiming the democratic budget calls for $500 billion above the sticker price. mitch mclipless said this is the largest tax hike in the history of our country. [ buzzer ] >> pulled completely from his turtle ass. >> stephanie: a miss reading of the democratic budget it's a. here is mclipless now. >> we'll see where we go from here, but it was a great meeting. >> where i go from here is back to my terrarium. >> stephanie: yes, very slowly. >> very. >> slow and steady wins the race. >> stephanie: not in your case. you guys lost. representative [ inaudible ]. >> i think the economy is giving us sign that its wants to launch, and the president wants to be there to be sure that the 535 elected members in congress

and the people of the united states are ready to launch with the american economy. >> javier. >> stephanie: sorry chris la-bat. >> republicans told the president to turn down his attacks, and support controversial changes in medicare if he wants a compromise. >> whatever! >> you want compromise you have to give us everything we want. >> they told obama to calm the [ censor bleep ] down. >> yeah. because he is such a hot head. and furthermore, america. >> stephanie: yeah, mr. president. how about that? participates at the 90-minute closed door meeting, noted that republicans criticize him

freely, politics ain't bean bag he said. obama said we're making progress. i -- i guess. the senator from south dakota refers to a prevent interview, nobody here believes medicare and medicaid needs to be gutted. senator alexander said obama must also go against the grain in his own party as much as lyndon johnson or richard nixon did in forging ties with china. [ buzzer ] >> stephanie: bad analogy. so the president must go against his party by gutting medicare which is just like lyndon johnson getting civil rights. >> stephanie: we have a dusty jingle for that. >> thanks for playing really bad

analogy! [ applause ] >> stephanie: thank you for playing in my box. >> i ain't going anywhere near your box. >> stephanie: you just found a little magic. amy from chicago. >> caller: hi, guys i was thinking about those grinder ads you have been reading this morning. >> craigslist. >> stephanie: craigslist. >> caller: i'm sorry you are right. >> stephanie: grinder is not for the kids. >> caller: well, know. i was thinking maybe it is a big ploy to convert the gays or out them, punish them. >> stephanie: hum. >> caller: i don't know. >> stephanie: it's har -- only dr. keith a-blow can figure that out. >> is grinder sort for organ grinder does that doesn't sound like much fun. >> stephanie: no.

chuck from atlanta. >> caller: i'm kind of exasperated with these gop -- but also i am a little exasperated with the liberals too. you know why? because all of this stuff stems around the fact that we allow them to identify us. in other words they call us liberals and now everybody was afraid to use liberals and then that started to get just a be nine statement -- >> stephanie: then we took it back with the sexy liberal. >> caller: you did and now they want to mark us with markxistmarxists. >> stephanie: that's right. we'll be right back. >> that is the most hilarious show ever! announce it's the "stephanie miller show." ♪

to doing anyway. staying in tough with everything that is going on politically and putting my own nuance on it. not only does senator rubio just care about rich people but somehow he thinks raising the minimum wage is a bad idea for the middle class. but we do care about them, right? vo: the war room monday to thursday at 6 eastern dude, i need your help fast. well, clearasil's fast. yeah, but is it this fast? faster! how about this fast? clearasil's faster!

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s ♪ >> announcer: stephanie miller. ♪ it's incredible ♪ ♪ >> stephanie: uh-huh. it is the "stephanie miller show." fifty minutes after the hour. john fugelsang coming up for fridays with fugelsang. we are in a little cpac frenzy. >> yeah. >> stephanie: the big conservative political something going on in washington this weekend. and we're trying to help.

we really are. ♪ don't cry for mr. argentina ♪ >> stephanie: no that's for another thing. >> oh. >> stephanie: okay. >> oooooooooh. >> stephanie: or not. do you want to leave for vacation now -- >> well if you would stack these correctly. >> white house just rammed it down our throats. >> just record the conservative phrase and then press the translate button. >> i can't handle having a black candidate. >> their weighing businesses down with too many regulations. >> i can't handle having a black president. >> i'll be glad when we get our country back.

>> i didn't stand having a black president. >> if you can't understand red-state gibberish, at last there is an app for that red stateus stone. [ applause ] >> stephanie: all right. >> and also america. that's marco rubio's one idea. >> stephanie: yeah. america. can we recrew that marco rubio. >> i'll tell you what the criticism on the left is going to be. that they didn't offer any new ideas. and there's the fallacy of it. we don't need an idea. the idea is america. >> right. >> stephanie: america. >> uh-huh. >> whoo doggy. [♪ "world news tonight" theme ♪] >> stephanie: speaking of big

parties. the -- what do we call it -- the painel invocation -- i don't know what it is. >> the invocation. >> stephanie: i thought it was a royal thing -- >> we're going to be in vacation next week. >> stephanie: right. but i'm still hoping because he is from argentina that they play the disco version of don't cry for me argentina. ♪ >> stephanie: and we'll will on stage like in zanadu. >> i bet that is playing at cpac. >> you are a little scattered today. >> stephanie: no, you suck today. [ buzzer ] you are the suckiest of all. >> bouncing ash from thing to thing. >> stephanie: how many times do i have to cue you for a sound

effect, my arm almost flew off. like heather mill's leg in dancing with the stars -- now, plait. [ laughter ] [♪ "world news tonight" theme ♪] >> stephanie: okay. my point is speaker boner jim has turned down an invitation to the papal installation -- is it installation or invocation. >> a little of both. >> stephanie: they install you and then invoke you. >> stephanie: there's be there between like noon and 5:00. >> i have stuff to do. i have to play golf and drink. [ bell chimes ] [ applause ] >> stephanie: yeah. he declined an invitation to attend the installation of pope

francis. >> i'm going to be drinking -- >> stephanie: drinking orange beer. >> green and orange beer. [ bell chimes ] [ applause ] >> stephanie: that's the reason why he can't go. >> getting a visit from the ambassador of ireland is a euphemism for drinking green beer. >> [ inaudible ] >> stephanie: don't you just wish you could say that sometime, i can't go because i have to -- [ glugging sound ] >> i have to meet with the irish ambassador. [ glugging sound ] >> stephanie: i want to make that my ring tone. [ applause ] [ glugging sound ] >> you are on your own with that. i showed you emogirk.

>> stephanie: jacki thanks you. >> oh i'm sure. >> stephanie: we have been talk about this all morning. [♪ "world news tonight" theme ♪] >> stephanie: this is huge. >> huge! >> stephanie: gop rob portman announces support for same-sex marriage after his son came out. >> yeah. >> stephanie: we'll take them how ever we get them. because a lot of people are like until it's personal -- >> yeah. >> stephanie: he said the government shouldn't deny them the opportunity to get married. that isn't how i have always felt. then something happen that led me to think through my position in a much deeper way. his 21-year-old son will who is a junior at yale. his son said his sexuality was not a choice. and i am a dad who loves his son. and want him to have a relationship like jane and i

have had for 26 years. he was considered a vice president candidate to mittens. and he said he told mittens that his son was gay. >> oh for pete's sake. gays are not the right height. [ mocking laughter ] >> stephanie: portman believes the issue of same-sex marriage is more generational than partisan. his daughter told him to follow his heart. and he considers his christian faith that lead him to decide in a way this strengthening the institution of marriage. i believe we're all cured -- cured? created by our maker. not like bacon. created by our maker and his son tweeted especially proud of my dad today.

[ applause ] >> i wonder if flron or snorg came out if mittens would embrace that. >> stephanie: yeah. >> states right was the cover for racism for a long time. >> yep. >> stephanie: i have to read totes adorbs letter but we don't have time. it's amazing what you find on the interwebs. it's a note that a dad wrote to his son. it's a very touching. >> are you going to cry. >> stephanie: uh-huh. after the top of the hour. >> can we get [ inaudible ] blosz blossom. >> stephanie: maybe a surprise appearance by blossom. all right. john fugelsang next at the top of the hour on the "stephanie miller show." ♪

[♪ theme music ♪] >> stephanie: oh chris. jacki wants to speak to you. >>m i in trouble? >> no, we did this already. >> stephanie: why didn't you send any back? >> because i'm not 14? [ laughter ] [ wah wah ] >> there's that. >> stephanie: you made my bff turned opme turned on me you bastard.

it will wear off in a day or two. and guess what i got you just by way of making up to you, eye candy. john fugelsang will be in just a couple of minutes. >> he's here in >> stephanie: no, but you will be able to see him on the tv -- [ buzzer ] >> stephanie: i'm wrong. i forgot. i'm going to send you a lot of i'm sorry emotocons now. you can hear him. and that's close enough. you can see him tonight on "viewpoint." >> nice save miller. >> stephanie: nice save [ inaudible ]. [ laughter ] >> stephanie: here she is. >> good morning, everybody. it's quite the day at cpac today. wayne lapierre is speaking right now. the president of citizens united gives his speak at 3:45, and

tonight there's a vip gathering sponsored by koch industries. paul ryan started off with bathe of snark about the senate plan. >> they call their budget a foundation for growth restoring the promise of american opportunity. wow. i feel like saluting already. [ laughter ] >> but when you read it, you find that the vatican is not the only place blowing smoke this week. >> pot calling the kettle black there. the committee voted to pass his budget last night. it should make its way to the floor for a full vote next week. unlike paul's plan the senate budget seeks to raise $975 billion in tax revenue over the next 10 years. and as stephanie mentioned senator rob portman's son has tweeted out a thanks to his dad

saying he is especially proud of his dad. will portman by the way now has hundreds of new twitter followers. we're back after the break. very, very excited about that and very proud of that. >>beltway politics from inside the loop. >>we tackle the big issues here in our nation's capital, around the country and around the globe. >>dc columnist and four time emmy winner bill press opens current's morning news block. >>we'll do our best to carry the flag from 6 to 9 every morning. while your carpets may appear clean. it's scary how much dirt your vacuum can leave behind. add resolve deep clean powder before you vacuum to expel the dirt within your carpets. resolve's deep clean powder is moist. absorbing and lifting three times

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[♪ theme music ♪] >> announcer: ladies and gentlemen, it's the "stephanie miller show"! ♪ i'm walking on sunshine woe ho ♪ ♪ i'm walking on sunshine, woe ho ♪ ♪ it's time to feel good ♪ ♪ hey all right now ♪ ♪ it's time to feel good ♪ >> stephanie: welcome to the last hour before vacation. nothing will take sense at all. [ applause ] >> stephanie: six minutes after the hour. 1-800-steph-1-2 the phone number toll free from anywhere.

in fact, dan in madison says steph we all know you guys aren't ready for vacation until we cover the old dusty lawn darts, and the songs about shooting the sheriff. ♪ i shot the sheriff ♪ >> stephanie: and seasons in the sun which i totally forgot about. >> that's a great song. ♪ good-bye to you my trusted friend ♪ [ sobbing ] ♪ we have known each other sin we were nine or ten ♪ >> that's enough of that. >> you have got to hear black box of quarter's version of that song. >> stephanie: what? what is that sound? it's sexy! ♪ fugelsang just all right with me ♪ ♪ fugelsang is just all right, oh, yeah ♪ >> whoo whoo!

>> stephanie: good morning, sexy liberal john fugelsang. >> good morning. sorry it was another slow news week. >> stephanie: yeah, right. what is your favorite 70s song about somebody dying. >> billy don't be a hero. [ applause ] >> stephanie: oh very good. jumping off the bridge -- >> no, that's in the 60s. >> the harper valley pta. >> stephanie: no stop. john -- [♪ "world news tonight" theme ♪] >> stephanie: isn't it great rob portman's son has come out -- >> isn't that great. can his son come out caring about climate change? >> stephanie: it's funny because it's true. >> i know pot heads who knew

doma was wrong. >> stephanie: i need love music. [♪ romantic music ♪] >> stephanie: this is a note that a dad left for his son. >> yeah. >> stephanie: he writes nate i overheard your phone conversation with mike last night about your plans to come out to me the only thing i need for you to plan is to bring home orange juice and bread after class. i have known you were gay since you were six, and i loved you sin you were born. ps, your mom and i think you and mike would make a cute couple. >> ah. [ applause ] >> that's adorable. >> stephanie: by the way your son is one. >> yes and we're hoping he comes out as gay.

>> stephanie: you said that before he was born you said we don't care if he's a boy or a girl as long as he's gay. >> that's right. >> stephanie: [ inaudible ] you are on with john. >> caller: hi, steph -- this is -- this is -- i'm a dirt farmer here in pennsylvania. okay? and i love that walking on sunshine that you run on the show all the time. >> stephanie: thank you. >> caller: but some of us farmers we're in the a farmer's group, and it seems to us that the media and the talk show people should start putting out there about this paul ryan and his budget. what even qualifies this guy to work on a budget? >> stephanie: clearly nothing. >> caller: [ inaudible ]. >> stephanie: yeah. it's ridiculous. john how can you make -- what is the point of making a budget that are based on things that

are not going to happen. >> it's a completely fictional document. and the congressional caucus put out a budget as well and it's very sensible. they are both political documents, and neither one will get passed. i call the paul ryan budget the boo radially budget because it will never leave the house. >> stephanie: that's right. >> it calls for the repeal of obamacare. and he also factors in the same $716 billion in medicare provider cuts that paul ryan ran against and demonized last year. so paul ryan is doing an airborne two flip flop hypocrisies in the same budget. >> stephanie: exactly. [♪ "world news tonight" theme ♪] >> stephanie: i know what america needs? more america. we're getting a new conservative television channel. >> great. >> stephanie: the station is called one america news network.

>> that rolls off the tongue. >> america! america! agree with us. >> why do i think they are going to hate more americans. >> stephanie: right. it is slated to launch at cpac this weekend. >> great. >> stephanie: it is a production of herring broadcasting. hum? >> as in pickle? >> stephanie: or red. the san diego company behind wealth tv. >> any questions? okay. >> stephanie: yes. >> who pays for cpac by the way? >> stephanie: would you like to know what is on wealth tv currently? it now broadcasts such as shows as mediterranean mega yachts and boys toys about muscle cars and high-end tech gadgets. >> that sounds like something on

grinder. >> can you imagine grinder ads going off at cpac. self loathing seeks self loathing. sorry, stephanie. >> stephanie: a jam-packed nerve filled event about mothers who pull out all the stops for their little darlings. the herring family has weighed into political controversy before robert herring -- he offered the husband of terry shybah $1 million if he would transfer the rights of his dead -- >> how many -- [ overlapping speakers ] >> >> stephanie: for one america news network, the tag line l be

your nation, your news and the target audience will be a little more educated looking for substance in their news. >> stephanie: can i just say this is going to su-u uuck. >> every night at 8:00 pm it's standing your ground with george stephanopoulos. >> stephanie: no yelling, no shouting, but really trying to get down to the core of why people believe what they believe. >> right. snore. >> so fox news with people with double-digit iqs. >> stephanie: exactly. early in west virginia hello earl. >> caller: good morning. how are ya? >> stephanie: good, go ahead. >> caller: i am a relocated d.c. native, and i just wanted to talk about the budget, and i think we have to talk about this

every day. revenue, revenue revenue revenue. go back to 1960 look at the top tax rates. corporations paid 20 to 30% of the tax rate it's down to like 5. you see am paying 2.2% and facebook of all horrible things paying no tax gating a rebate. come on, people it's about revenue, revenue, revenue. >> stephanie: yep. >> we don't have a deficit problem. we have a deficit symptom and a revenue problem. >> the economy got better when bill clinton took over. >> stephanie: yeah. j.d. in san diego welcome. >> caller: hi, you guys good morning. >> stephanie: good morning. >> caller: i want to talk about rob portman.

i'm astounded that it took rob portman two years to finally realize the marcus bachmann method to pray the gay away doesn't work. >> stephanie: exactly. he probably came to that conclusion by spending time with marcus bachmann. [ laughter ] >> stephanie: sorry, go ahead. >> caller: no, i'm sorry. i didn't mean to step on you. but i just want to say from newly blue san diego. >> yay. >> caller: thank you very much. >> stephanie: home of the health network. lots to get to. we have a fugelsang-ian friday. right back on the "stephanie miller show." >> announcer: it's not radio. it's stephanie miller. ♪

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he opened his mind and let the music flow but in his attempt to break on through, he found the end. of all the hours in all his days, these are the ones you'll never forget.

♪ ♪ dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to get through this thing called life electric word life that seems forever, and that's a mighty long time, but i'm here to tell ya, there's something else -- >> announcer: stephanie miller. >> yay! ♪ let's go crazy ♪ >> stephanie: uh-huh. it is the "stephanie miller show." welcome it to. fridays with sexy liberal john fugelsang in the new york bureau. >> holla. >> holla. [overlapping speakers] >> stephanie: is coming up.

>> anything like pour-um. >> stephanie: no. >> exactly the same thing, chris. >> stephanie: [ inaudible ] in chicago. >> caller: hello. what i would like to hear is more simple terms -- you talk about tax loop holes. all of my adult life everybody around the water cooler talks about oh geez exxon mobil paid zero taxes. joe six pack understands tax loop holes and the unfairness. the gop has done a great job at equating revenue to taxes and somehow charging billion dollars corporations taxes equates to joe six pack who only wants to watch espn every night when he goes home, somehow that equates to his $30,000 a year salary being taxed more which is

nonsense. but you talk tax loopholes, specific loopholes, rather than this general concept of more revenue. >> stephanie: yeah. >> caller: so joe six pack will get it. >> stephanie: yeah, that's right. by the way we were talking about -- you know, it's not just fox us in -- [♪ "world news tonight" theme ♪] >> stephanie: it's cable news in general like picks up a meme. obsessively covering the white house tours virtually ignores cuts to the poor. >> yep. that's our liberal media. >> stephanie: the media has latched on to preserve the white house tours while largely ignores other devastating cuts. i mean you know -- it's why -- i -- you know the thing that irritates me more john are the meet the presses of the world where even the chyrons are

both sides to blame for the sequester. >> don't even get me started. it is only here that we have shotty journalism. >> yeah, there is shotty journalism all over the world. the media is profit driven. the media is corporate, and they are more concerned about being called liberal than whether they are or not. which is why they have to have this false equivalency. now that we have heard from the man who is against kicking puppies, let's have some balance. >> yeah, and you can't be sponsored by ge and have a fair discussion about [ inaudible ]. >> stephanie: yeah, there you go. jim in florida. >> caller: hi, there. you don't suppose that ted cruz was in the least bit phased by dianne feinstein's comeback, do you? i mean really? really? >> stephanie: no, probably not.

because he is at that level of douche baggery. >> but that's the thing that most need to listen to this, to hear your show for example, are the very people that would never tune into it. >> stephanie: we that is not necessarily true we have right-wing nimrods that call in all the time. >> i'm not a sixth grader. senator i have been on this committee for 20 years. i was a mayor for nine years. i looked at bodies that have been shot with these weapons. i have seen the bullets that implode. in sandy hook youngsters were dismembered. it's fine you want to lecture me on the constitution, i appreciate. just novi been here for a long time. i passed on a number of bills. i study the constitution myself. i am reasonably well educated.

and i thank you for the lecture. [ applause ] >> stephanie: love her. >> [ inaudible ] 205 [ inaudible ]. >> and she is talk about harvey milk and [ inaudible ]. >> stephanie: yes. she went on -- >> incidentally this does not prohibit -- you use the word prohibit, ex-searchs 2,271 weapons. isn't that enough for the people of the united states. do they need a bah sue ka? i don't think so. [ applause ] >> but we have to kill cops and soldiers some day. >> stephanie: exactly. >> stephanie: i think this brings us to a dumb cook stack. [ bell chimes ] >> stephanie: gawker brings incredibly unsuccessful bank

robber probably needs a hug today. the "new york post" says this guy, mr. arch criminal walked into a bank saying i have a bomb give me some money now. a bomb, lol. okay? who has a bomb really. people just do not have bombs. it's just a poor threat. even a finger pointed in a jacket corner is more threatening. the teller said to the robber. i do not read notes, and gave him a withdraw slip. he responded by writing i have a bomb and handed it back to her. mr. arch criminal did not have an account or bomb, he became so

frustrated and left with nothing but lollipops. he went on to rob three other places in the same fashion for a total of $300. that won't even cover his bond. >> oh, bless his heart. >> stephanie: buddy in columbus. >> caller: hey, john your dr. seuss got me so inspired. i wrote a little song in your honor. it goes ♪ you can do the dr. seuss and drop it real and drop it real good, the fugelsang man can, the fugelsang man can, because he mixes it with love and he has got mad skills ♪ >> stephanie: oh that's precious. gong. oh was that is gong. >> that's one thing that is not here in your box. >> i did our very first sexy

liberal show in new york with a song called the lieberman can. >> stephanie: yes. linda in atlanta real quick. >> caller: hello stephanie. hi, john. >> good morning. hi, linda. what are you wearing linda? >> caller: i have a solution for the ryan problem. he tried that during the election and what he had was he just totally -- he totally got shut down by joe, and i want them to now release the biden to shut down -- >> stephanie: that's almost like the cracken, but a little worse. twenty-nine minutes after the hour. back with more fridays with fugelsang on the "stephanie miller show." ♪

laughing... >> that's hilarious! >> ...and the thinkers thinking. >> okay, so there's wiggle-room in the ten commandments is what you're telling me. >> you would rather deal with ahmadinejad then me. >> absolutely! >> and so would mitt romeny. >> she's joy behar. >> and the best part is that current will let me say anything. what the hell were they thinking? >> only on current tv. uh, i'm in a timeout because apparently riding the dog like it's a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment! luckily though, ya know, i conceal this bad boy underneath my blanket just so i can get on e-trade. check my investment portfolio, research stocks... wait, why are you taking... oh, i see...solitary.

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♪ >> announcer: stephanie miller. >> the story of my life my cuteness interferes with people hearing my message. >> stephanie: it is the "stephanie miller show." >> what? >> stephanie: yeah. 1-800-steph-1-2 the phone number toll free from anywhere. fridays with sexy liberal john fugelsang. hi, john. >> good morning, children. >> stephanie: we have a thing for sexy liberal chicago. april 13th. get your tickets going very very quickly. hal sparks john fugelsang and i. >> a great show. lot of new material.

>> stephanie: right. chris in pennsylvania you are on the "stephanie miller show" with john. >> caller: hi, stephanie. i wanted to give you my theory about gun owners and why it will be very hard to get control of the problem. i think most gun owners see themselves as a sort of george zimmerman kind of person. they are drawn in by the idea they can be a hero. jumping in at the last minute and saving the people around them. they are not going to everyone pa -- empathize with the people at sandy hook because it is not their kids and if they had been there, they could have shot this guy -- >> exactly. >> stephanie: chris we had a right-wing caller earlier that say are you saying that you don't think that guns save more lives than take them?

and i'm like no i don't. yes, our guns sometimes -- >> today you are going to see wayne lapierre at cpac telling us that all of our allies that have far less murders are less safe than us. because it's all about their toys of choice. it's entertainment and that's all. >> stephanie: absolutely. >> and their entertainment matters more than your kids life, not you steph. >> stephanie: thank you, i'm a childless loser, and i appreciate you pointing that out. >> caller: good morning. i just wanted to jump on the bandwagon for the revenue push. john boehner after the fiscal cliff said you vt gotten all of your revenues that's all you are getting. but it seems to me if i remember right that at the end of that bill right before they got ready to pass it didn't

they tack on like four or five amendments that gave loopholes to like nascar and a bunch of other ultra rich people? >> yeah. >> the government will bring in a few billion, but let's be honest here. with boehner talking about how the president got the tax increases he wanted that's a lie on several levels. the bush tax cuts were supposed to expire in 2010. number 2 under president obama, i hate to tell ya but over 80% of the bush tax cuts were made permanent. so where is the revenue. and all obama was talking about is closing loopholes which is exactly what governor romney talked about in a vague way last year. >> stephanie: exactly. hi pam. >> caller: hi all. love your show.

>> stephanie: thank you. >> caller: i have been listening to the conversation about fine fine and ted cruz and i have to say dianne feinstein is awesome. >> stephanie: yeah. >> caller: there are many things we are not allowed to have nunchucks, brass knuckles sawed off shotguns. best i remember a sawed off shotgun is a gun. why aren't we allowed to have those? they want to raise hell about the assault weapon's ban? >> stephanie: exactly. >> the only guy that stops a bad guy with weaponized anthrax is a good guy with weaponized anthrax. >> stephanie: exactly. you know who else is going to sexy liberal in chicago john? >> who dat in >> stephanie: chris lavoie. >> oh, yeah. ♪ getting fired up for sexy

liberal ♪ ♪ waiting patiently for my meet and grope ♪ ♪ with john fugelsang, hal sparks, and stephanie ♪ >> ermahgerd! >> that's so cool. there's john and pam. >> oh, i love john and pam. they gave them a jingle. >> i know. ♪ i look to my left i look to my right ♪ >> is that road flair mary? >> oh, my gosh there's rocky mountain mike. ♪ oh, that steph she's a cutie ♪ >> she's totes adorbs. >> check it out for yourself sec sex, saturday april 13th in chicago! >> going to be a good time don't you know. >> stephanie: thank you! [ applause ] >> stephanie: speaking of big represents, john fugelsang it's

the pope installation. >> oh, that's right. yeah, i hadn't heard about that too much in the news. >> stephanie: yeah. that's why i'm letting you know. >> it's very exciting. >> stephanie: rocky mountain mike saying pope francis taking over after showing us the only way to stop a bad guy with a funny hat is a good guy with a funny hat. [♪ circus music ♪] >> yeah, we have been covering that heavily on "viewpoint." but i applaud the vatican, they finally found a way to have the new pope be from latin america but still be a full-blooded italian. >> stephanie: exactly. >> he's italian all the way. >> stephanie: and he has one lung. you know that, right? >> yes, and he is 76 years old. which is two years younger than joey rats was when he became pope. it seems like they don't mind

his age. because there is not a lot of money for the vatican to suck out of south america. so you will probably have a pope for ten years, but cement your standing in latin america for 20. >> stephanie: yep. michael you are on the "stephanie miller show." >> caller: i was watching c-span the other day on banning assault weapons, and listened to a little dialogue from lindsey graham, and i think this goes to the core about what the gop is about. he was talking to the mayor of philadelphia, and he was stating stating stats for gun violence and murders. and lindsey graham kept repeating that there is only 2.5% of all gun murders are related to guns other than shotguns or handguns. and my question is what does the word only mean? those 250 death out of the 10,000 murders by weapons are

insignificant? what does that mean, only 2.5%. those 250 people that die every year from assault weapons are inanything can't in his mind. and that's something that i think comes to the core of their argument -- >> stephanie: michael that's why dianne feinstein -- part of why it was so powerful what she was saying, because she is talking about real people and real bullet holes she has had her finger in a real human being who was dying. and i think that's what we're trying to do is humanize -- when you hear these parents talk from newtown, it's like how can you not understand -- they keep trying to take the human face off of this issue. >> caller: he was talking to the mayor of philadelphia who has seen his police officers ripped apart by these assault weapons. will lindsey graham write a letter to all of the people who

have died from assault weapons, their family members and say that's not a significant enough number for me to do anything about it. >> stephanie: right. kathy in chicago. hi, kathy. >> caller: hello. oh my god, i'm with stephanie miller and jim ward. oh, my god. >> ermahgerd! >> caller: ermahgerd. i had a comment about paul ryan and his budget and i definitely believe that [ inaudible ] i'm a small business person and when my business went downhill the first thing i thought of doing was go out and try to find more business, more revenue. yes, i cut a few things but i wanted more revenue. thank you. >> stephanie: yep. yep. oh, it was short and sweet. thank you. [ applause ] >> stephanie: her idea was america. and it was a good one. >> yeah. >> that's marco rubio's idea. >> stephanie: there you go.

speaking of bad ideas -- i'm just looking at the chyron so tsa says yes knives on planes. >> yes knives but your flip flops are still a threat -- >> he says screw you and your concerns. >> stephanie: yeah. screw your concern about being schiffed by a drunk on the plane. he said it's really not our problem. >> it kind of is. >> stephanie: right. >> that's kind of what they are there for. >> stephanie: i don't get it do you john? >> i really don't. and when you upset the pilots that much -- you can bring 2 inch knives on the plane but your water is still a threat? >> stephanie: yeah. >> it's all a plot by disani. because as soon as they announced no water on the planes that was the only water you could buy in an airport.

>> stephanie: that's right. all right. forty-five minutes after the hour. back with the remaining moments of the "stephanie miller show" with john fugelsang. >> that is great radio. >> announcer: it's the "stephanie miller show." ♪ >> jack, how old are you? >> nine. >> this is what 27 tons of marijuana looks like. (vo) with award winning documentaries that take you inside the headlines, way inside. (vo) from the underworld, to the world of privilege. >> everyone in michael jackson's life was out to use him. (vo) no one brings you more documentaries that are real, gripping, current.

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he opened his mind and let the music flow but in his attempt to break on through, he found the end. of all the hours in all his days, these are the ones you'll

never forget. ♪ >> announcer: ♪ >> announcer: stephanie miller. ♪ and i still haven't gotten over you yet, vacation all i ever wanted, vacation time to

get away ♪ >> stephanie: you-hoo! it is the "stephanie miller show." on vacation next week. sexy liberal hal sparks filling in live in studio for us along with jacki schechner. will all be here in captain america's underpants. john fugelsang is on the "viewpoint" every night on current tv. >> you have done a great job with that show. >> thank you. it has been a whole new ball game. we're making the first half all electives, and congress people and rolling stone writers, and bill bradley, and the second half we're doing all comedians, and it has been a lot of fun. >> stephanie: i love the meet the press. love that. you were talking about wayne lapierre. after sandy hook, nra told gun makers law pierre will handle it. i swear to god talk about not

getting that real people were involved. parents of newtown were still burying their children and that's all they were worried about. >> it's disgusting because any time anyone tries to use this tragedy to present the next one, they will say you are trying to exploit the last one. it's too bad that it wasn't enough. it's too bad that the democrats in the senating didn't have the stones for it. harry reid is going to let the assaults weapon ban die because he doesn't want to lose his seat. it's really sad. what is the tipping point going to be? what is it going to take for people to wise up, and look at crime rates in other countries that have sensible gun control. and i had this talk with michael moore, and he wrote about an op-ed about it last week, that

it would take releasing photos of the victims. because americans watch too much tv. we have a shock level of about five weeks and then we move on. >> stephanie: you know what the real evil is chris? >> facebook. >> stephanie: actually i think it's twitter. photo of man watching porn at work goes viral. within hours it had been retweeted over 2500 times. he has a big windows -- >> yeah and a big computer monitor too. >> stephanie: student who bad-mouth teacher on twitter found out that teachers use twitter too. i hate you mr. terrence you said

the test was on tuesday not wednesday. the test was scheduled for tuesday. the kid didn't pay at attention. and another reason, mr. torrence has a twitter account. [ wah wah ] >> stephanie: the tweet was retweeted by one of his classmates who made sure to include the teacher's twitter handle. so then mr. terence hung the tweet on to the chalkboard. >> oh that's funny. looks like he projected it on the chalkboard -- >> stephanie: oh, right. >> they don't have spirit masters anymore. >> stephanie: right? other porn news -- >> what? >> stephanie: what is better than panda porn john? nothing? >> nothing, really. although it is creepy with the kids.

>> stephanie: in a last stitch effort stein advertises at the base for giant breeding turned to good-old fashioned panda porn. [♪ porn music ♪] >> stephanie: a five year old female was refusing to cop pew late with her mate -- finally came around when she was shown an instructional video -- after studying the video with great interest call incame on to her mate. porn is illegal in china, but apparently exceptions can be made for national treasures. >> wow. >> stephanie: we did porn searches around the world, and

in china the number one porn search is japanese. [ bell chimes ] [ applause ] >> stephanie: because you watch it and an hour later you are hungry for more chinese porn. [♪ circus music ♪] >> when men watch porn their testosterone surges and when women watch porn, their testosterone surges. >> stephanie: really. >> in iran one of the top tenser. terms for porn is hotel businessmen. [♪ dramatic music ♪] >> stephanie: at it of the top ten searches were for gay porn. >> but they don't have that yesterday. >> stephanie: yeah. >> we were like that was pretty specific -- >> stephanie: yeah, when jim left with his roller case i am

like are you playing hotel businessman. >> i'm only having sex with this other man to remind myself i don't like it. >> stephanie: you know i'm team jen, and -- jim has always been team i don't give a flying [ censor bleep ]. >> i have moved over to that too. >> stephanie: john which side are you on? >> >> i have always been on team angelina. [ buzzer ] >> judging by their films? >> angelina has put out better films. [♪ "world news tonight" theme ♪] >> stephanie: speaking of iran an iranian news agency reports

that "argo" is -- iran announced they are suing hollywood. it's like let's get the lawyer for hollywood on the phone. [ laughter ] >> stephanie: iran's press tv raised the possibility that arco is an overt operation disguised as a movie. >> oh, my god they are going to love "zero dark thirty." >> stephanie: bill and hillary clinton were spotted at the [ inaudible ] show. >> yeah. >> stephanie: gabby giffords and her husband, and meryl streep. >> yeah they used to have liberals in texas. >> stephanie: i got to hang out with her one night. she was amazing. >> ann richards? >> stephanie: yeah.